Upgrade U

Artist: Beyoncé
Album: B Day

I was bored and just started writing.

I’m confused, and James is the root of my confusion, he haunts me all the way from Jersey, even his only presence mocks me. I try to divert my mind with the flavor of the month, but he’s stuck in my head. Forever etched in my skull, but why do I go through all of this for someone who never loved me back?

She paused from her writing, fervently biting the tip of her pen as she read over her words. “Well maybe he did love me once?” she thought wishfully. Deep in the back of her mind, she knew that could never be true. He always saw her as a friend, never as something more, and how could she be anything more? Standing at 5’4 with long dark hair, doe eyes, and a button nose, Vanessa was the typical girl next door, always stuck in the dreaded “Friend Zone.” Focusing back on the paper, she realized just how stupid she sounded. She was pining over a boy who she had never once expressed her feelings for, and now while both of them were in college she still couldn’t forget him.
Finished with reflecting back on her mistakes, she closed her Journal and walked over to her desk to finish her homework. Books were strewn everywhere, but there were only two words written on her notebook paper, “Vanessa Abrahms.” How was she supposed to learn about the Blitzkrieg when he was invading her thoughts, with his not so perfect smile, and his all knowing eyes? A sharp buzz rang through the room while her cell phone lit up, and she looked at the screen as “Preston Taylor” flashed across it. She picked it up slowly, not certain if she wanted to hear the voice on the other side. “Hello” she said hesitantly, “Hey Ness,” Preston said in his deep southern drawl “what’s going on?” She could hear his laziness through the crackling speaker of her phone, “I was just thinking about you.” For some reason, this statement should have made her flutter with joy, but instead it filled her with dread, she didn’t know what to say to him. Sure he was kind, loving, attentive, and always there, but that’s not what she needed, although Vanessa really didn’t know what she needed. “Hey Preston, I was just getting into my books, but it’s not working. How are you?” She tried to sound genuine, but her voice her voice was distant. “Are you alright shawty?” he asked, using the southern term of endearment. “Yeah, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” she lied quickly. “You just sound a little out of it.” He was trying to be sweet, but it was having the opposite effect on her. “I’m fine, I’m just tired? You know what, I think I’m gonna take a power nap and then go hit the books later.” She didn’t even wait for him to reply and snapped the phone closed. Unable to focus on anything she splayed out across her small bed and closed her eyes hoping that when she opened them all her problems would be over.

Across the hall Nia was sitting on her bed watching the pictures on the television move without any sound. She was in a place far away, after smoking her second joint of the day. Relaxed and cool, her eyes were glazed over and she didn’t care about anything. She had smoked some good weed. Her eyes snapped to her door when she heard it swing open, only to see her stank roommate come in with her boyfriend again. “Talk about killing my buzz, couldn’t they ever go to his room?” she thought, they were always invading her relax time. Her roommate looked dead at her and made an ugly sound while clearing her throat. She didn’t give a rat’s ass, she was going to stay and stare at the pictures on the television. While a dumb commercial came on, she started to look around the room stopping on her roommate’s boyfriend. His name was John, or at least she thought it was, maybe it was Peter. Peter-John had a rich dark complexion, smooth as melted chocolate, his jaw was very masculine and chiseled sloping down to a strong, prominent, square chin. She looked at his dark pink lips, while sub-consciously licking her own. “I need to get laid” she decided, and rolled over trying to sleep to the not-so-pleasant sounds of two hyper-sexed college students who didn’t understand the word privacy.

Janay stormed into Vanessa’s room without warning. “Get up loser, I’m busting you out.” She looked at Vanessa, or at least the back of her, pitifully sprawled out on her bed. Vanessa turned her head ever so slightly to see her goofy friend. She was wearing a curve hugging pair of bright coral skinny jeans that were tucked into her yacht-sized polka dotted rain boots. As Vanessa scanned up she saw a hideous black and white sweater that could have only have belonged to Bill Cosby, with a bright coral medallion hitting right at her navel. Her face was bent forward in a ghastly expression, which was exaggerated by her short spiky dreadlocks hitting her in the face. For some reason, this whole look worked for Janay, and everyone loved her style but no one could ever imitate it. Janay blinked deliberately for good measure. “Are you gonna get up?” she asked. It wasn’t really a question as much as a demand. “Alright, Alright” Vanessa said slowly squirming away from her comfy bed. Janay wasn’t completely satisfied; she hated to see her friend out of sorts and Ness seemed to be really of it today. “The cafeteria monster is off her meds today and acting really happy, she’s actually scooping out real ice cream, not that frozen yogurt stuff you hate.” she said, hoping it would bring a smile or some hint of joy on Vanessa’s face, but she was staring intensely at her boots trying to pull them on. She was in her own world, her “Oh woe is me world” that Janay just couldn’t stand. She flopped on Vanessa’s bed and made a huge sigh. “What did Preston do this time?” she asked, already knowing it was something in Ness’s tumultuous love life. “He never listens” Vanessa grumbled and dove head first into her pillow. Janay already knew how this conversation was going to pan out, they would go into Vanessa’s numerous “daddy issues” and how she didn’t want a good guy like Preston. Janay would take Preston over that asshole Ness was always talking about any day. “Well that’s not new, boys never listen… we know that.” She turned Vanessa’s Playstation on and started playing a racing game, “I mean, they go out of their way to be stupid,” Vanessa started spouting out the same conversation Janay predicted, she tried her best to sound interested while trying not to crash her car.