Monday, April 27


Well, it has truly been a while.

Finals are next week and I can truly say that I am perfectly Fine,

Freaked-Out. Insecure. Neurotic. and Emotional.

Right now I'm in a rather pissy mood. I'm stressed out. I've smoked 2 newports. I got denied access from the library. and I've been inadvertently kicked to the curb by someone who's almost shorter than me. This week is a grand slam I tell you.

I've been feeling really selfish today, like I didn't care about anyone's problems today. Salem left her wallet in her ex-boo's car and wouldn't it back, she started freaking out and crying. I just looked at her like "Kill the motor, it's not that serious." To me it wasn't. Honestly, she knew where it was, and either could forcefully get it back immediately, or wait for him to stop being a douchebag. Either way, she was going to get it back, don't cry over shit like that.

I'm stressed out about finals, and I've got 4 papers to write & no motivation. One of them is due tomorrow, and I still haven't finished reading the play to start it. So I come to the library to start my paper, because I figure I'll be a little more focused in there than in my room. I get to the front of the library where the over-crunk security gaurd is sitting there, I tell her "I left my ID in my purse, but I can prove to you that I go to Spelman." This bitch sits there, smirks, and says "No, go get your ID" honestly, I go off. In my head I'm like

"You fat, balding, cunt! There are no books in this fucking library, I just want to come here to write a paper on my own damn computer, what the fuck do you want from me, what the fuck is showing my ID going to do for you. Nothing! I've got a million other ways to prove I'm a Spelman student, it makes no fucking sense for me to walk all the way back to my dorm, because this ghetto-ass library is not even on my fucking campus and it's the middle of the night. LET ME THE FUCK IN
I didn't say that, I just said "Really? I don't have time for this bullshit" and left. Walked back to Spelman, smoked my second cigarette of the day, got my shit, and reluctantly went back. I called The Kid and Salem and was just ready to cry on the phone. I know it was about more than an ID

I'm scared of my grades this semester
I'm scared of how things are gonna lie with friends when we leave
I feel overlooked and underappreciated
I'm pissed off at The Hick who think's he can play the fuck out of me. (b/c I give too much)
I don't want to be a better person, or what some people want me to be. (yet)

So right now I'm like fuck it.