"I Toss And Turn, I Keep Stress In My Mind, I Look For Peace But See I Don't Attain'

Song: Day N' Nite
Artist: Kid Cudi
Album: LiveEarthDream

Soultry Sam here... Its just so hard to walk around with a smile, when inside you know everything in your world has or is about to come crashing down... Everyday I wonder if things are going to get better... If the game of life is gonna deal me that Full-House that I have been waiting for... But I continuously come up short... On Friday, I had "Critiques" in my drawing class... This is a time when everyone in the class puts their work up on the wall so that it can be "judged"... This is by far the worst part about being an art major... And this is the part I hate the most... So, I put my work up on the wall and I was told what I already knew; that I had a lot of work to do... Basically, I'm pretty much behind in every aspect of the class... But I'm just wondering am I ever gonna come to a point in my life or in my work where I am the person that I want to be... I am I ever gonna catch up... Is there ever gonna come a time where I don't have to struggle... Is there ever gonna come a time, where I don't feel like the poor kid amongst all of my rich friends... Is there ever gonna come a time, where I don't feel inadequate... I have this constant burden on me that no one knows about, that I conceal through sarcasm and laughter... But, deep inside, I feel completely crushed and helpless... I feel lost and abandoned, even though I am constantly surrounded by people I know love me... I feel like I'm in a constant competition with myself, to be better then I am... But, I am beginning to think that I am not good enough... Sometimes I just want it all to go away... I try my best to not let the dismal thoughts of reality over take me... I try to block out the constant struggle... But I am reminded daily of the life I don't have... I often wonder why certain people never struggle, why they are allowed to go through life without a worry or a care... I was once told that God never puts more on you then he knows you can handle... So, is this some kind of test for the future because if it is, I am failing miserably... But, I have faith that I will pull it together in the end... Sadly, the end is no where in sight...