"Got my Fitted Hat On"

Song: Fitted Hat Low
Artist: Papoose
Album: The Nacirema Dream

So, I was having a conversation with my a couple of my friends, and we decided that Fitted Hats are like Wonderbras. Guys always talk about how they get a girl back to the crib and the Wonderbra comes off and they're like "Where the D's at?" It's the same thing, when a guy takes off his fitted hat and his forehead is on swole, the magic is gone. There's no rules about keeping the hat on...(i'm just sayin). Now I'm not gonna lie, I've got a four-finger forehead, but I can cover that shit up with my hair. I'm not gonna pull my hair striaght back unless I have to, it's the same thing with a guy, don't get your caesar cut so low if you know your forehead ain't ready for it.

You know why you rarely see Sexy Ass LL Cool J sans hat or a do-rag on? Because he has a DOME!
I mean, Yes I'm still distrated by those ripply abs, but damn baby your head is bigger than the Georgia Dome.

Exhibit B: Young Jeezy/Joc (I don't know)Oh honey-child, if they did a blaxploitation remake of Coneheads, you would be Beldar for sure. My president might be black, but I'm also making sure he passes the bill that says you should keep a hat on at all times.

Exhibit C: Curtis Jackson AKA Bugs Monkey AKA 50 Cent
Oh 50 cent, If I see you In Da Club the would definitely be some love in it. Until you take off your hat...or start speaking...or when all your babies mommas are released from the burn unit at Mt. Sinai and start comin round' asking me questions. Moving On..

Exhibit D: The Game

GOT DAMN! You got some serious Fo'head wrinkles, and one right in the midle of your pug nose, ain't nothing gonna fix that. Oh but wait your Chicago White Sox hat (even though you're from LA) takes the attention off that horrid triangular hairline so I can see those lovely light brown eyes, and five o'clock shadow is kinda sexy, and now that your brow is unfurled you can come home with me...don't worry I keep Bugs Monkey locked up in the other room.

Nothing can prepare you for Perpetrator Numero Uno.

Exhibit E: Ne-YoAHHH WORDS CANNOT EVEN EXPRESS!! YOU LIED TO ME, YEAR OF THE GENTLEMAN MY ASS!! You looke like a naked mole rat!!

Gentlemen, this is not okay. Rather, it is inexcuseable, you need to fess up to your big ass forehad, and we'll try to find a cut that works for you...but don't expect me to call your ass when your head looks like a jovian planet.

Oh yeah, and ladies don't get fooled by the stunna shades either.
Yeah I know Jay-Z has swagger like no other, I mean look at his wife, I'M ATTRACTED TO BEYONCE! But I mean, sexy he is not. If this nigga had on a white tee, some regular ass jeans and some work boots, you would not give him the time of day..unless he fooled you with the Fitted and the glasses. It's a dangerous combination, trust me I know....